My pregnancy was unplanned, actually a very
big surprise but a blessing welcomed of course. My first daughter Sarai
was only about 6 months when I found out I was expecting and my son
Isaiah was 6yrs old. On Feb 20, 2011 I received a phone call I thought
would have been the hardest thing ever to deal with, of course at that
moment it was, for the past year I have struggled with the loss of my
mother. We drove to NY from FL, a straight trip, 21hrs, with our
children. Although my mother was cremated I wanted to see her before it
was done. My aunt made it possible for me. As I stood there weak in the
knees, my last words were “don’t worry mom i will have more grandkids
for you”. Her whole world were her grandkids, she loved my son like you
wouldn’t believe. She never had the chance to meet my daughter; she had a
flight for 2 wks. from that day. My last Facebook posting on her page
was 14 more days; yay. Little did I know I didn’t even have another day.
It had been a year and 4 days since I had seen her last.
Anyways, the
fact that I would say that to her not knowing I was pregnant I found so
weird. So I get back to Florida a week later and find out I am
expecting, I took like 3 test and went for 2 sonograms because I just
couldn’t believe it. Then I am told my due date was on my mother’s
birthday. Of course now I am really bugging out about it so I felt she
was made just for me. I felt like my 2nd daughter was given
to me to help me get through my lost and I had no choice but to love
instead of hate. She was born to give me a back bone stronger than I
could ever imagine. So, my 3rd pregnancy began, of course I
had my doubts because I am only 24yrs old now with 3 children while my
husband is 23yr old, but thankfully we make it work somehow. Throughout
my pregnancy I was given 17p injections to keep me pregnant because my
son Isaiah was premature, born at 32wk but perfectly healthy. My second
daughter Sarai was born at 37wks, perfectly healthy and my Gisselle was
born at 36 weeks, perfectly healthy, so I had nothing to complain about.
Gisselle was not born on my mother’s birthday but exactly one month
before her birthday instead. There is no better blessing then that of
giving birth to beautiful, healthy children and I was blessed with 3.
Although things were hard at times of course it was always so worth it
and somehow we always made it through everything. So imagine my hurt and
pain when I received the phone call no parent ever wants to receive.
It’s every parent’s worst nightmare and it was happening to me within
the same year of losing my mother, 1month and 10days to be exact before
it made a yr.
Gisselle was 1 day shy of
making 3 months when she passed away. She took a nap and just didn’t
wake up from it, On Jan 10th 2012 to be exact. Trust me when
I say there is greater pain then carrying your child for 9 months,
giving birth to a perfect child and then not understanding why she had
to leave this world. I can’t tell the whole story in detail because I
was at work. As far as I know my husband laid her in her crib to finish
her nap because she had fallen asleep on him, when he went to check on
her, she wasn’t breathing. He tried preforming CPR on her but she
didn’t budge. He told our son to run and get our neighbor, who just
finished nursing school, when she arrived she tried as well until the
ambulance came and took her. When they grabbed her, they ran to the
truck and tried as well, they inserted a tube to try and get her to
breathe but nothing. She was announced dead on arrival. If u read my
other blog u will read my side of the story when receiving the phone
call and so on. Now to top my husband having to go through all this,
would you believe he couldn’t get service on his phone to call 911, we
don’t own a house phone because bills are tight as it is and we both
have cell phones so we figure why struggle more trying to pay a house
phone as well. He even tried calling using Wi-Fi calling but he calls
kept dropping so when the neighbor arrived they called using her phone.
Of course detectives were questioning this, not understand what Wi-Fi
calling is and taking pictures of his call log to make sure he attempted
to call. After the week past, we right away got rid of our T-Mobile
cell phone and switched to AT&T and added a house phone as well. I
know now that u cannot put a price on certain things like not having a
reliable phone in an emergency. She passed away of SIDS so no in this
case the phone wouldn’t have made a difference, it was already too late
but in the case of another emergency at least we will be more prepared.
We will also be getting life insurance, didn’t realize how important
that is either but $6000 later now we know. We are lucky to have had our
family there to help us and lots of friends also donated so it helped
paying big time. In all of this I still have yet to know, have I gotten
many lessons so far in all this yes of course, but I am still in very
much denial of if all. I know many might be wondering where is the
heartfelt feelings in all of my writing but I am not sure I am ready to
express those feelings yet. I don’t think I would be able to see though
the tears either way. But it will eventually come, when I am able to sit
through it and relive the pain, for all I know I may have to wait till I
am out of denial since it is all too fresh.
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